It’s 2020, let’s talk about body positivity and its tricky relationship with health… and what it looks like to go to war for your body rather than against your body.

After I posted an image with a caption about eating intentionally on Instagram this past weekend, I had several messages asking about if I was “on a diet” and just general concerns about someone who claimed to be body positive going on a diet. Then, I had several ladies message me after I posted my lunch meal preps with the same concerns. 

Because of these (very valid) concerns, I want to stop and talk about health and its relationship with body positivity.  Last April, I wrote about how I was giving myself + my body some grace in 2019. I spent the majority of 2018 on a restrictive diet and was working out every day. I found myself weighing myself daily, measuring my arms, legs, thighs, waist, and hips weekly. I was obsessively comparing “before and after” pictures and crying when I didn’t see the changes I so desperately wanted to see. It was a bad place to be in, and I was incredibly unhappy with the girl in the mirror. I had placed so much of my worth and my value on the numbers on my scale. And I was exhausted. 

So I took a break.

I decided to stop focusing on what society tells me to focus on and to start working on loving my body for all of the good things about her. My body is strong and able and worthy of love. It was freaking hard work to retrain my brain to stop nitpicking my body and start accepting her as she was. I had spent the better part of 20+ years wanting to look and be a certain way. 2019 was the first summer I spent in time in a bikini, eating popsicles poolside, and feeling good about it. I felt so much more content when I spent less time constantly obsessing over what I could and couldn’t eat. Colin and I could go on a date and I didn’t freak out over finding a restaurant that has the nutritional information online. Let me just tell ya, it really kills date night to have an anxious and hangry wife furiously googling the nutritional value in a SPECIFIC restaurant’s a chicken caesar salad before ordering - you know, because estimating the caloric intake wasn’t good enough. I spent nearly all of 2019 eating good, rich, (mostly unhealthy) foods. I ate so many tacos I probably sweat al pastor. And I have no regrets. None at all. Not even those extra 20 lbs I put on. It was so good for my mental health to just enjoy my life and the body the good Lord gave me. I’m in a much more stable place mentally because of my “diet-hiatus”, and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. (for the full blog from last year, click here)

And now it’s 2020, and it’s time to refocus and make sure that what I’m putting in my body is good for her. I’m not measuring any part of me. I’m not crying when I weigh myself. I’m able to work out and leave feeling satisfied even if I didn’t burn 500 calories. However, I have set a goal for myself to be more consistent in how often I work out. I’m being intentional about having meals that fuel my body. Less processed foods, more clean foods. Maybe even including some protein with my carbs haha. The body I have now is the only body I’ll ever have, and while I need to love and accept her, I also need to care for her. My “goals” are no longer visual. I don’t need my waist to be a certain size, or my weight to be a certain number. I want to be able to hike up the 3 flights of stairs at work without gasping for air at the top. I want to run a half marathon before I die (I’d say this year, but I’m not going to over-commit myself haha). I’m still going to eat tacos and indulge in Betty Rae’s, but I’m also going to practice a more balanced lifestyle. And you know what? I’m okay if I don’t lose those 20 lbs I picked up last year.  

In the past, my new year’s resolutions have been ones that have declared all-out war on my body. So many restrictions, requirements, and unachievable goals were placed on her. I’m not doing that anymore.  Instead, I’m going to war for my body. I’m going to practice self-discipline and balance to make sure that what I’m eating and doing is only going to make her more healthy.

But don’t worry, if I decide I want a taco, I’m still going to fully enjoy it. ;)

xx